Quick notes

I've been reading a book about parenting your strong-willed child to try and get a better handle on parenting Ronin. Yesterday I tried implementing the positive attitude shifts that the book supports and it made for a more pleasant Ronin. I think I barely had to raise my voice as well. I hoped today would be more of the same, but Ronin was extremely challenging today, very boisterous, energetic, aggressive, bouncy, and sassy. I kept threatening him with time outs if he kept hitting or pushing Nikko and I felt like I was over-threatening them. It wasn't as smooth as yesterday, but I'll keep trying. This morning I took the kids into the basement and let them run rampant while I folded some clothes. I didn't want to keep telling them what to do, but when tempers flared over a silly toy I took it away from everyone and announced that it was time to go back upstairs. The kids seemed restless indoors so I said that we would go take a walk. The kids get excited when I tell them "Crocs no socks!" or "Socks and shoes!" and it surprises me that they retrieve the appropriate gear each time. We walked toward the train tracks when I saw a house the next block over was having a yard sale. I retrieved some cash just in case and walked us across the street, wary that the kids might get attached to something. One of the girls in that house is Nikko's classmate and her name is Faith. I believe she's another special needs child as she has an enlarged forehead and slurred speech, but I don't know the name of that condition. Her father seems to look just like an older version of Joey Fatone, the member of that group NSync. After perusing the kid items I saw a round kid-sized folding chair with the Disney princesses on it, next to a McQueen chair. Ronin didn't find any interest in the McQueen chair, surprisingly, but I knew the princess chair would be favorable to Audrey and it was slightly larger, so for $5 I got it. I got some change so I could get a styrofoam cup of lemonade that Audrey was quick to pounce on. The boys were entertaining themselves with a McQueen racetrack that was missing a vital track, so I had to announce to them that it was staying and we were going. Ronin raised a stink about it but I tried to impress upon him that he really wanted a racetrack for his birthday next week and that he should wait until then. Nikko kept trying to pull the chair from my grasp all the way home and was whining terribly. We got to the front step and I set the chair down. Immediately Nikko sat in it; that's all he wanted to do. Nikko was also carrying around Bow Wow, that stuffed anti-mite/antimicrobial dog that Denis got from a friend at Reggie's night club. Audrey really wanted to finish off the lemonade so I let her. Beyond our backyard I could hear the roar of a tree-cutting crew so I told the kids that we should go walk and see what's happening. We walked around the block and stood a few houses down from the crew that was indeed cutting branches off a tree while using a cherry-picker. Cheap, free entertainment, huh? We returned home to have lunch, then naptime for the little ones. I tried to lie down with Nikko because that bout of vertigo had really zapped my energy, but Nikko did not succumb to a nap. He was poking my face the whole time. Our afternoon was uneventful but I was fine with that since Ronin was still a bundle of energy. Ronin and Audrey kept donning their shark/duck costumes and getting all sweaty. I engaged in a bout of tickles and physical play with all three of them after naptime and before snacktime. I'm hoping to break out some wipe boards for them tomorrow or Sunday so that they can each have their own and practice some drawing. I may have to turn my head away from the inevitable marker that will get on them, but it's par for the course, right?

Something to note of late regarding Nikko is that he is showing instances where he is not going to have a complete meltdown if I leave the house or his sight. This has been the case on Wednesdays when I leave to go exercise. Nikko hasn't melted down, according to Denis. We've also had some trouble when Denis takes the kids to the basement after dinner. Nikko would stay upstairs and hang around the kitchen for me, thus forcing me to escort him downstairs when I'd rather be upstairs cleaning up the aftermath so the kitchen isn't a total disaster after kiddie bedtime. But tonight he followed everyone else downstairs when the door was opened. He stayed there for a good ten minutes before coming back upstairs for a drink and to wait for me. It's slow progress with many steps backward, but there's still some progress there. I think having the different therapists in the house may help with the transitions, even though overall Nikko is not great at transitions.

Trying hard / Vertigo

I have not had internet access to the laptop upstairs all week because lightning storms last Friday fried our router. The internet works downstairs, but coming down here late at night to blog isn't the comfiest or most convenient thing for me. The laptop has spoiled me to have easy access to the blog, Facebook, and information at my fingertips. I've journaled a few days upstairs, but can't transfer them to the blog until the router is fixed. I hope it happens tomorrow.

So a quick note of the passing week: I've noticed in the last few ABA sessions Nikko has had with his therapists that the overall consensus is that Nikko has been trying really hard. He had a terrific session with Jenna on Wednesday, but a tough beginning session with Kathy on Tuesday, and today Melisa said his session started out really rough with crying, whining, meltdowns and noncompliance, but after 20-30 minutes of getting all that out of his system, he became super focused and accomplished things with Melisa that he had never done before, such as copying her building blocks upwards and sideways. He was really volatile last week, and his noncompliance comes as a surprise this week because he's been in a relatively good mood throughout. Wednesday was his last day of Three Wee Camp Class and he came home with a project involving stamps and sand. Next year I might consider putting him in the camp class again, with an aide, but we'll see how his progress turns out this year.

One more note: Yesterday I was in a pilates class with my friend Rachel, who is making a commitment of traveling 30 minutes from Streamwood to Mount Prospect with the condition that I take this class and work out with her. Denis has committed to caring for the kids so I can do this. Last night during class, as I was on my back doing crunches and looking sideways at the instructor, I looked up and the entire ceiling was spinning clockwise, REALLY FAST. I closed my eyes but felt the spinning from underneath my eyelids. I hadn't had this spinning feeling in 8-9 years, and then we sat up and I was sweating profusely, extremely dizzy. I continued to be slightly nauseated, but went walking/running on the track with Rachel after class, did more sit ups, and worried that the spinning would come back. It didn't, thank God. I went home, drank water, and threw up. Went to bed, and this morning felt the dizziness come back right before I opened my eyes. I sat up and immediately folded back onto the pillow, dizzy. I heard Ronin calling out for me so I walked the hallway, leaning on the walls and trying to regain my equilibrium. It must have been residual dizziness from last night, but I didn't know it at the time. I ended up seeing a doctor and she pegged me as having benign positional vertigo, specifically in the left ear. Basically, if I lean on my left side, it will disrupt some stones/calcium deposits in the fluid of my inner ear and cause the horrible spinning. GREAT. No cure, it will subside within a day. I still have a headache from it, but I'm going to survive. I've always had some form of motion sickness, but knowing that it's really vertigo is both enlightening and terrifying. I'll do more research on it, but I've got to figure out how to avoid left-side stuff. How am I going to get out of bed, since I get up on the left side? What am I going to do about pilates? Lay on my right side and chance the vertigo there? Probably. Oh the joys of being me!

Scripting

Nikko has been scripting songs. Yesterday as we got ready for Camp Class, he was chanting the beginning of Bad Romance by Lady GaGa:
Rah rah ah ah ah
Roma roma ma
Gaga ooh la la...

It was in Nikko-ese, of course, but I could tell what he was saying by the tune.

Another song he was scripting was the chorus to a Wiggles song:
Oooo oooo I'm dressing up in style
and that was verbatim!

And today he was repeating something but I couldn't pick out the tune. I had to ask Ronin where Nikko got his song and Ronin said it was from the Wiggles. Nikko was singing The Fruit Salad song in parts:
The first step, peel a banana
The second step, toss in some grapes
The third step, cut up some apples
Cut up some melons, now put them on your plate
Nikko also did some hand motions to eating the fruit salad like in the video.

I'm glad to see the beginning of these scripts, but I'll probably wonder at what point will he lessen scripting and turn words into conversation. The last two sessions he's had in ABA have been good, but he's been scripting a lot, very unfocused at times, and frequently goes into his own world. That's been characteristic of Nikko, going off into Nikko's world, but quite honestly he's been "here" over the past few months more than he's NOT been here. I still tend to turn his head towards me with my hands if he's looking off in another direction, "ignoring" me.

Meet in the middle / HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY, NIKKO!

Today was Nikko's 4th birthday. He had ABA with Kathy at 11a, then lunch, then we went to Mom's house for the afternoon. When we came home, I fed them dinner, Denis showed up, we blew out candles again, did some gifts, then bath and bed. All in a nutshell. Did Nikko enjoy his day? I really hope so. Thank goodness there were no huge crying fits, although I can't say the same for Ronin, poor Ronin who is obsessed with having a birthday and wanting to "have Nikko's birthday" and everything that goes with it: the day, cake, presents. Ronin doesn't understand the concept of days, weeks or months so telling him his birthday is coming in two weeks was not comforting enough. I had to make sure that Ronin had a gift to open at Mom's house, and then again at home, because the alternative was to have a brute, upset, loud, crying, screaming little boy. I figured there's no real harm, that Ronin will be more mature next year to handle birthdays, and he can practice all year while attending other kids' parties that he can't always have a gift. I also didn't want to spoil Nikko's birthday with Ronin's incessant crying, because every time either Ronin or Audrey is in full cry mode, Nikko starts getting upset and will come over to swat the offending crier on the head. Not pretty. Best to placate the offender with toys. Nikko received a Toy Story 3 Pizza Palace car set and a Matchbox truck from Mom, while Ronin got a car carrier. I brought along a Disney Cars Dr. Mater truck for Nikko and a Cars ambulance for Ronin, but somewhere along the way they got switched in ownership. I brought a purple Little Pony for Audrey to open, but she didn't show much interest in it. At home, I gave Ronin a Buzz Lightyear puzzle which he worked on with our help and was so proud to complete. I got Nikko the play cash register and he quickly adopted the plastic play credit card as his own. I don't think Nikko understands what a birthday is at all, but that's ok for now.

I was answering a Facebook post on Nikko's birthday when I typed, "Sometimes I wonder what qualified me to be a mom in the first place." It made me wonder, truly, why God would give me three little lives to be in my care, when I have such a terrible temper. If someone told me I was such a caring person, responsible and great with people, I'd probably snort and laugh cruelly. On days when I'm yelling my head off because my kids won't listen to me or turn their heads towards me when I'm asking them to do something, I really wonder why I was given this opportunity to have kids. It almost seems doomed for failure, because if you are too stern then your kids could ignore you or turn away from you, and if you're too lax then they will step all over you and you'll feel powerless either way. I suppose there's the happy medium, but attaining it means working hard, REALLY HARD, to meet in the middle. Once I acknowledge this concept, I wonder if I'll be trying to meet in the middle for the rest of my life. I've admitted that I yell, in general, WAY too much. I yell at Ronin a lot, or reprimand him for not meeting my expectations. I get impatient with Nikko (and the others, too) so much that I hit that level of exasperation that elevates the shrillness in my tone of voice. I'm really quite ashamed of it and vow continually not to do that. When people tell me to try counting to 10, 60, 100, I tend to roll my eyes because that kind of "relaxation" method is not working. Go to the bathroom, close the door behind you to gather your thoughts, and let them cry and pound on the door. Um, no, that doesn't ease my nerves one bit. What I AM thinking of trying is to write out those key words (the ones that would make my eyes roll) on paper, very thick, and put them on the walls. Phrases like:
STOP SHOUTING
LOWER YOUR VOICE
BREATHE DEEPLY
COUNT TO TEN (rolling my eyes)
Perhaps the visual reminders will help me to come down from my high horse. I may give it a try.

Mimicking Wiggles / ice cream

We go into Nikko's Camp Class room to wait for Melisa to arrive. Since he didn't immediately rush over to the sand table, I steered him to a rug that had magnetic blocks and other building toys. The CD player had a Wiggles song playing:

Everybody clap,
(Clap! Clap! Clap! )
Everybody sing,
La la la la la!
Bow to your partner,
Then you turn around
YIPEE!
Hands in the air,
Rock-a-bye your bear,
Bear's now asleep,
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Bear's now asleep,
Shh! Shh! Shh!

I looked over at Nikko and he had his arms cradled in front of him (Rock-a-bye your bear) and then he tilted his head to the side and put his hands under his cheek (Bear's now asleep). I was surprised to see him mimicking the movements to that song so I helped imitate his movements for one more verse. It makes me happy to know that he can recognize a song and imitate it from memory. Melisa showed up, I told Nikko, OK, I'll see you later! Kiss kiss!, and no tears. We picked him up at 11:30, had lunch, and then Sarah came over for therapy. She remarked at the end of it that she had never worked with a kid that could wipe his own nose. I looked at her quizzically and Sarah described how Nikko kept rubbing his nose because it bothered him, so much that he got up, went to the box of Kleenex, took one out and started wiping his nose. It's too bad he hasn't mastered this during bloody nose episodes. But hey, that was great to hear!

Later in the afternoon and after the kids' naps (however, not Nikko. He had therapy instead) I tried giving the kids popsicles for snack. Audrey didn't like it because it was too cold. Ronin tried an orange one, but must have lost interest. Nikko liked the cherry popsicle and had two, but became angry when the second one broke apart toward the end of the stick. He tried to put them back together to no avail. I had to take away the drippy, messy stick and plate, and revert to plan B: ice cream sandwiches. It worked, but Nikko was extremely messy. I even dug up a So Delicious ice cream sandwich that was Ronin-friendly, despite the freezer burn. I wonder how many times Nikko will bug me in the next day or two for ice cream, popsicles, and ice cream sandwiches. He hadn't napped all day so bedtime was welcoming to him. Before hopping into bed, Denis held onto Nikko's burp cloth and asked Nikko what he wanted. Denis waited until Nikko said, "Burp cloth please daddy." Hooray!! I still have to prompt Nikko many, many times before he properly asks for something. Except for cheese puffs, unfortunately.

The new "FS"

Two things were on our agenda today: attend two birthday parties. Would the kids be able to handle it? Would we?

The first was a 4-yr old's bday at the Randall Oaks Park in West Dundee. (Ironically, both the bday celebrants of today had actual birthdays the day before Nikko's.) This park had a petting zoo, two volleyball courts, two playground areas for kids/toddlers, and an event that warranted two inflatable jumpers. We arrived, greeted the hosts and picked a table that had some bubble equipment on it. There were also kites to fly and good food. We took the kids to the toddle playground and the little ones seemed to be having fun. Nikko, on the other hand, was not in the best of moods and started asking for candies (lollipops). He was becoming relentless with me and I was getting exasperated because I didn't want to give in. The lollipops have suddenly become the new "Fruit Snacks" and I'm hating it. Nikko claws at my pockets and starts tugging at my backpack zippers to get at my stash. I'm not sure how he was able to calm down but soon he was sitting near Denis and fiddling with an empty water bottle. Before we left, he was given a little lizard kite that he found enjoyment in carrying like an airplane.

We went home to change diapers, refill juices and give Ronin an albuterol treatment before heading out to bday party #2 at the Creen's. The kids enjoyed playing with toys that weren't their own as well as thoroughly enjoyed bouncing in the enclosed backyard trampoline. Unfortunately, when the birthday girl was opening gifts, my kiddos were getting antsy to want to play with her new toys, especially the Toy Story 3-themed ones. I ran through my supply of lollipops to keep Nikko at bay. The kicker was when she opened a doll-sized Buzz Lightyear. Nikko became enthralled and wanted that Buzz Lightyear badly. We had to pry him away many times and then reached the point where it was simply obvious that it was time to leave. I had to pick up Nikko on the way out as he cried and struggled because he didn't want to leave. I put him firmly in the car seat and he was upset the whole ride home. Before bath time he was on the floor in the living room and the kitchen so I let him cool off in whatever way he chose. All the kids are sleeping with minimal noise so I wonder how tiring a day it was. We've been on the go go go since Thursday with pool time late in the day, pool time Friday, then two parties on Saturday. I wonder if really was too much to have the kids on the go for the entire afternoon, and will we pay for it tomorrow?

Wheeling PD Aquatic Center

Denis came home from work early today so we took advantage of the hot weather and went to the Wheeling Park District Aquatic Center. We tried to visit this park before but thunderstorms kept the park closed and we went to the backyard pool at Casa Umali instead. This place had a huge zero-depth pool that had a tunnel slide attached, a deeper end to the pool plus waterfalls, a whale slide and other shower features. There was a splash pad with a huge bucket that tipped over when filled and doused the entire play structure. Next to that was a smaller pool for water basketball and a sand lot with climbing features. I think of all the parks we have visited, this one was the nicest one overall. I'd put Flick Park up there, too, since that kiddie pool is fenced in. Yesterday we had visited Meadows Park pool between 6-7:30p for their family swim hours and were disappointed to see that the huge water splashy tree thing in the zero depth pool had been taken out. Now it's basically a zero-depth end to an Olympic-sized pool with a few bubble fountains. Back to the Aquatic Center, Ronin was deathly afraid of the splash pad features due mainly to the huge bucket of water that threatened to empty gallons of water on everyone. Denis opted to take Ronin to the pool since Nikko was enjoying the bubble fountains. The minute he left, Audrey asked, "Daddy go? Daddy go?" She tolerated the splash pad features but kept asking for her daddy. I will never forget what I saw happen next. A girl about 6-7 yrs old in a green bathing suit had run full speed into Nikko's back, knocking him down like a football player. He flew two feet forward in the air and landed on his stomach, knees and hands on the watery pavement (the rubber splash pad didn't stretch as far as the fountains, it was like a rough sidewalk) and slid another half foot. I ran to him and he was shocked, then started crying in pain. I looked him over and noted that the girl was nowhere in sight. No major scrapes to the knees or hands, but I could see little red abrasions on his lower ribs which probably took the impact of his fall. He started struggling against me, trying to get away from my grip, when I saw the dad of the girl dragging her over to us and telling her to apologize to Nikko. She didn't want to do it at first, but after two tries she said, "Sorry." Normally I am the type of person who would have said, "You don't have to make her apologize, he's ok, he's going to be fine." But I kept my mouth shut until she apologized, then said, "That's ok." It was probably an accident, a result of kids running in the park when they're not supposed to so they don't pay attention to where they're going or who is in the way, but because she plowed down my Nikko, I definitely wanted that apology since that image of Nikko flying onto the rough pavement with no warning is burned onto my eyeballs forever.

We eventually moved to the bigger swimming pool and that's where Nikko was most comfortable. He is going to be a good swimmer some day and seems very at ease coasting in the water. He got stimmy back at the splash pad running back and forth through the water structure ending up on the water slide, and he got stimmy on the whale slide, going up the steps and down the slide, unfortunately getting pushier each time and annoying the kids around him. We got the kids to a quieter part of the pool with a structure that had streams of water from different tubes. Nikko enjoyed body-slamming into the water, bobbing as if he were swimming, and not afraid when his head dipped below the water. He' also tilt his head to the left side at times and didn't seem bothered by the water over his ears. Lollipops have been the key to keeping the kids still while we changed them out of swim diapers into regular clothes.