Crying like a baby

Feb. 15, 2012 - I just came from getting Nikko off the bus. The bus driver told me Nikko was crying about something, and sure enough I walk back to his seat (he's strapped into a 5-point harness) and he's bucking and wailing about something. I look down on the floor and I see that he had dropped a Valentine and it was totally out of reach. I unbuckled him while the other kids on the bus were peaking over their seats and asking why he was upset.

"He dropped something, but it's all ok now," I said in a jaunty voice while helping a red-faced, angry Nikko out of his straps.

As I turned away I heard a little girl say to the others, "He was crying, like a BABY!" And then I heard many of the kids start laughing. The words, "like a baby" were echoing in my ears and I almost turned around to tell them all, "He's not a baby!" but I didn't. I walked him off the bus and tried to look confident as we walked back up the driveway. I didn't look back at the bus.

What would you have done?

I didn't say anything to those kids because I think I would have looked like I was whining, too. I didn't have my rote speech ready on how he has a hard time communicating, but he's a nice boy and a good kid like everybody else. I didn't lecture the bus on how not to be mean because I felt like no one would have listened. And now, in hindsight, I'm mad that I didn't say anything.

I hate all those little shits right now.

ETA - We are leaving tomorrow for a wedding in San Francisco and so I won't see any of those kids until Tuesday next week. I can't wait to get the hell out of here, and take Nikko somewhere fun.

(Copied & pasted from an autism forum where I posted this, just so I could remember how I felt.)

Quick notes

2/7 Aide notes - Nikko got very upset during one of the 100 days activities [it was the 100th day of school, being celebrated school-wide]. Class was shown containers of different things and they had to pick which container had 100. One of the containers held M&Ms. Nikko very much wanted to eat the M&Ms and had a hard time understanding they were not for eating, just for looking. It took a while, but he eventually calmed down. However, we weren't able to do all the discrete trials due to the shortened time.

2/8 OT notes - Heavy work activities, then worked on fine motor control at table. As a reward - pedalled bicycle back to Mr. Stoll's class.

Guilt

My niece was the lead role of Dorothy in her middle school production of The Wizard of Oz. I planned to take Ronin and Audrey, but knew that Nikko would not be able to sit still or be quiet during a two-hour performance so I opted to leave him home with his daddy. Nikko would probably see the crowds of people and tell me immediately that it was "time to go home", perhaps squeal or yell, or even struggle to leave. I didn't want to ruin the experience for other families. Besides, he'd get to spend some 1:1 time with his dad. But as the hour came closer to leave the house with my two youngest, I was filled with intense guilt. Suddenly I wanted to bring Nikko (I really couldn't, I didn't have another ticket for him) because it didn't feel right to go somewhere without all my kids together. I also started to imagine the good-bye scene getting ugly. I knew it would be great for Ronin and Audrey to experience seeing a play, but it bummed me out that Nikko could not enjoy it this time around.

Nikko got upset when he saw us getting ready to leave, watching his siblings putting on their shoes. He grabbed his shoes and told me "shoes!" but I told him that I'd be right back, and I'd see him later. He didn't understand where we were going, and why he couldn't come along. Denis later reported that it took a while for him to calm down, but he took him out to get chicken wings and he was compliant. I really wonder how Nikko felt, though. At the play, when my mom asked me where Nikko was, I started to explain that he was home with Denis, and I got choked up with tears in my eyes when I told her that Nikko probably wouldn't be able to sit still and would make noise. My guilt felt so huge. I know it was the right thing to do, but as a mom I felt like I let Nikko and myself down by not including him. Was it fair? Shouldn't Nikko be exposed to things that other neurotypical kids experienced, whether or not he can actually handle them at the time? Where does one draw the line as to what is fair and what is not?

First Potty, then Swim Class

I wrote a note to Mrs. S this morning, warning her that Nikko did not have a successful bowel movement yesterday, and I hoped it didn't affect his day today. I really hate being on poop watch. His morning wasn't as eventful as his afternoon according to his daily report:
(afternoon) Opening - Days of school - Nikko counted by 10's out loud.

Centers- Art- worked independently for the most part.
DT- Started new set of sight words today.
Hearing test - world respond to tone, but would not wear headphones for official test.

Special Activity - Gym - Scarecrow tag - Was engaged.
Paddles - tried hitting ball over net
Danced - did move along to music

When he got home and finished his snack, I had to hurry and get him ready for his swim class. When I took him to the bathroom to change into his swim diaper, I noticed that he was really ready to have a bowel movement but needed some help (sorry for the TMI). I put him on the toilet and had to use a suppository, but then he was able to push out a long obstruction. Thank goodness, really. I didn't want him to be late for swim class, which he loves, so I am thankful that he was somewhat cooperative instead of resistant, like last night.

Daily progress

Last Friday we had an IEP meeting to go over Nikko's progress thus far. It wasn't meant to rewrite any goals. I got a lot of positive feedback regarding Nikko and school, as well as positive feedback about his detail-oriented aide. There were several teachers and individuals present, including the school psychologist and OT. They informed me that with Nikko's 3-year evaluation coming up, they wanted to conduct some tests to get a baseline of his knowledge and skills. They also warned me that he may not test well since he has big problems with distractability, but they assured me that they would find tests appropriate to his capabilities. I'll have to remind myself to get an update on these test results.

As for today, Nikko had a really good one.
OT - Nice working today. Participated fully in warm-up routine. Worked on 1st and last name, and letter game. Did iPad at end as a reward. 
From his daily notes via Mrs. S - Re: Stations (Reading) - Resistant to doing letter sounds with Mr. Stoll. Called me "Bad Mrs. S" because I was keeping him from leaving table.  (I LOVE THAT!)
In the afternoon session - Snack time - Sat with a friend who said Nikko was "The best friend I've ever had!"  (<3 <3 <3)
 Notes - Nikko keeps singing "Summertime, summertime." Is this a song he learned? - I had to ask Ronin about this, and Nikko is indeed singing a song he learned from a cartoon called Little Bill, which is about a young Bill Cosby as a boy. Also in his papers today was a picture about Meanies. He drew a picture of meanies, and it does look like a figure with eyes and a nose. The word WOW! was written at the top of the picture.
Discrete Trial Report - (With Mrs. M, the psychologist. Apparently, Mrs. S does Nikko's trials daily, except for Wednesday when he does it with Mrs. M. They do this so that he can learn to generalize with other people, meaning that he will be able to count with people other than Mrs. S.) Sight Words - mastered first 10 words; ID Body Parts - mastered first set of body parts; Cut with Scissors - mastered cutting. In the afternoon trials, he continued to do well with writing his name, counting objects, ID'ing letters with sound, and writing upper case. However, the notes say he started giggling in the middle of trials. Oh well.