Monday, November 15, 2010

Ronin's innocent question

Ronin and Nikko were sitting next to each other trying to put wooden train tracks together. They were also grabbing at train box cars, specifically the ones from IKEA that fit better under a tunnel than the Thomas ones. At one point Ronin and Nikko were vying for the same black engine when Ronin turned to me and said quizzically, "Why doesn't Nikko talk to me?"

I think my heart broke a little bit.

"Because he has a hard time talking," I replied. "But you can help him talk."

The moment disappeared when I helped them split up the trains between themselves and the boys focused solely on their own tracks. But in hindsight I felt a big pang of loss for Ronin, who didn't have the role-model older brother that he should have. It reminded me of Nikko's meltdown at the soccer birthday party and how he stuck out from all the other kids there. At four years old, it's really evident that he is not like other four year olds, lacking a bigger speech component, bouncing around and flailing his arms while bobbing his head in an attempt to regulate to his surroundings, or maybe bopping to the music in his own head. I'm just feeling really cheated right now.

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