Sleep #2 &3; My bday

This is an excerpt from a thread I posted on a forum regarding Nikko's sleeping over the past two nights:
Night #2 and #3 (tonight) were similar at bedtime because Nikko hadn't taken a proper nap and was really tired/exhausted by the time we were doing prayers. I tucked him in and sang to him while stroking his forehead, and I watched him fall asleep before I turned out the light. OK, so that's not the "real" way I'm supposed to do it, by tucking him in and saying good night and letting him watch me walk out the door so he can fall asleep on his own, but I'll take the two easy-falling asleep nights for now. His throat was shredded from night 1 from all the screaming he did. Tomorrow night he may not be as sleepy at bedtime so he'll probably protest and beat the door down again.

The big problem now is that he wakes up at 4am or within 30 minutes +/- this time. Gets up, goes to his door and starts to whine/cry. I come in and lead him back to bed, re-tuck him in, and (this is the part I'm not doing right, I'm sure) wait until he falls back asleep, within 5 minutes. I give it a few more, then walk back to my bed. Nikko's been waking up an hour after that, and if he wakes up closer to 5:30a I gave up the waiting bit and just climbed into his bed and fell asleep next to him until maybe 6:30, then I'd walk back. NOT the way I'm supposed to do it, I know, but I suddenly got chicken about letting him cry for 15 minutes at 4am, then putting him back into his bed and leaving him. He'd probably bolt back up and cry at his door. I am afraid it will wake up his sibs at 4am. It probably will, but maybe they will get used to his crying and stay sleeping? Nikko will tire out eventually, I know, but MAN it's heartbreaking at 4am, too. I wish the weekend nights were longer so he won't be too tired at preschool, or even during therapy, after a night of early wakings. SOOOOO, tonight I'll go to bed and cross my fingers that he doesn't wake up until 7am. But if he wakes up at 4a, I will dig down as deep as I can for the resolve to put him back in his bed, tuck him in, and walk back out. And then give him 15 minutes of crying if he'll last that long. And then get up and put him back into bed. If his sibs wake up, I won't disturb them, and let them try to go back to bed unless Ronin gets up and starts pounding on his door.

I don't want to do it!!! Not for myself, who will be tired no matter what happens, but because I KNOW Nikko's going to cry/whine. What the heck happened to my resolve? Oh yeah, I left it up in the last paragraph. I know it's for his own good, but geez I hate having to be tough!

I have to be firm about putting him back to bed. WAH!

Nikko went to school and I emailed his teachers and Mrs. I that we're sleep training him and that his behavior might be affected, by being tired or cranky or anything at all different. Mrs. I wrote:
...Did lots of movement and deep pressure activities, was attentive afterwards. I'm trying to get Nikko to visually direct his hands better in getting his shoes on, boots off as well as doing a puzzle with a specific approach versus just trial and error...

Today was my birthday and I tried to make it fun for the kids by making some silly construction paper hats and some Mighty Machine pictures with paper. Didn't work well with Ronin, sadly. He was challenging with me all morning. Ronin is in a pushing stage, where he's randomly pushing Audrey and Nikko around, or taking a toy car and swiping them on the head with it. Driving me batty!!! Nikko had therapy with Jenna today and I warned her about his sleep situation. She said he was ok today but very jump and wiggly, which means he probably didn't focus very well. That explains a lot if you tie it into the sleep problems. Luisa ("Atz") came over and brought me a birthday lunch of filet mignon and mashed potatoes & creamed spinach, a la Wildfire. She also brought a cake, Oreos for Ronin, and presents for the kids (hand-down toys which were totally appropriate and appreciated by me!). I was almost moved to tears for my big sister to bring some sunshine on my bummer morning. I noted that Nikko did not cry when he saw her come through the door the way he did when Mom came the last time. He even ate French fries off her plate, so he must have liked her.